How to Avoid Savings at the Grocery Store
For all those who wish to spend the most money possible each week, follow this simple guide!
Each Sunday you will get coupons and ads in your newspaper. Throw these away. They’re a waste of time. “Plan” your trip to the grocery store when (a) you are very hungry and (b) your entire family can accompany you.
As you breeze through the automatic doors, skip right past the ads and any offer to join some kind of shoppers club. Let the smell looming from the hot deli lead you over. Pick up fried chicken and note the convenient salad bar. Send your hubby over to fill a large container. He’ll come back with a few pounds (and about $25) worth of food. Move right over to the bakery and be sure to pick up cookies, cupcakes and pies for your kid’s bake-sale. Grab a few extras for the house and don’t forget several loaves of breads you’d like to try. Maybe you should even grab some great rolls, just in case you decide to take lunch this week.
It’s tempting to avoid the produce section, however you know your family doesn’t eat enough fruits and vegetables. Entice your kids to try something new by letting each pick out some exotic, out-of-season varieties. Bypass all the bagged apples, oranges and potatoes. They just can’t be worth eating because they’re in bags! Do grab some salad kits and some cut-up fruits and vegetables. These just may come in handy, for those hypothetical packed lunches.
While your children gawk at the lobsters, pick only the best cuts of meat. For example, if beef stew is planned, buy sirloin. It will be so much better! Fresh meat is always the best, so don’t even think about glancing at clearance stickers or frozen meats. Move over to where your children are and pick up some fresh seafood too. Glance at the packaged lunchmeats then send your husband back over to the deli for better varieties of cheeses and meats. After all, you may just be taking your lunch this week! Oh, and don’t forget to let the kids pick out lots of lunch kits. These are so easy for them to take to school or even eat at home!
Now you will be exhausted and still have lots of shopping left to do. As you head down all the dry goods idles, focus on getting all the single-serve items you can find. Who has time to dish up food when it’s already in convenient packages? Let each family member toss in whatever he or she wants this week. After you’ve overloaded your cart with individual pudding cups, juice boxes, cookie packages, fruit cups, pasta and soup bowls, chips, oatmeal packets and more, let your kids pick out prizes, or should I say, cereal? They’re really picking out the prize, right?
Since your youngest has become exhausted and your basket full, send your husband and daughter to pick-up another basket. She can ride and you can fill the back. Grab your favorite brand of toilet paper, which happens to be the most expensive. Select paper towels and tissues of equal quality. Better grab some paper plates and plastic cups in case you are low on time this week. Maybe you should get some paper bags for those lunches you are planning? You still need dishwasher detergent, laundry soap and some of those replacement thingies for your mop, duster and toilet cleaner!
Don’t forget Spot. He’s picky, so go for the high-end canned food. Don’t waste money on something he may not eat. Oh, and he loves treats, so get a box of those too. Your son sees a dog toy Spot would love, so in the basket it goes. Stop on the baby idle to pick up a gift for that shower at church next week. Your four-year-old daughter also needs more disposable training pants. (She’ll almost potty trained, but you just can’t seem to stop using these, just in case she might have an accident.)
Now you will find yourself in the Health and Beauty section. Someone at work mentioned the store down the street is a lot cheaper, but who has time to make an extra trip? Buy enough panty hose, shampoo, razors, body wash, toothpaste and other items to carry your family through to next week. Let the kids each pick-up a toothbrush and a box of bandages with cartoon characters on them.
You’ve finally made it to the freezer section. Let everyone pick out more single-serve items (dinners, pizza, ice cream and more). This works out perfectly because no one can complain about what you have selected! On your way to the check-out, stop by the florist to pick up a bouquet for the table at home. You’ll also spot a rack of gift cards, perfect because you need to get a birthday gift for your nephew! Of course the only card he would like is for $10 more than you thought you would spend, but it’s convenient so you’ll grab it just the same. (Plus, think of all the gas money you’ll save by getting this here!)
As you and your hubby push those overloaded carts towards the registers, let everyone select a candy bar, drink and chips. Everyone has done so well in the store! You’ve been extra great, so you get a magazine too! As you reach for gum and mints for your purse, you’ll spot that gizmo you saw on television last week. You’d better pick it up while you are here!
When the cashier asks for your shopper’s card, tell her you don’t have one and it doesn’t matter. If she attempts to peel any coupons from items you are purchasing, explain you don’t have time…which is true because both kids are exhausted to the point Dad has escorted them to the vehicle. As the cashier tells you an outrageously high number, be sure to reach for the card in your wallet that has the highest balance, highest interest rate and an annual fee.
As soon as your groceries are loaded, slip into the passenger seat, next to your husband. You’ll suddenly realize you’ve been in the store so long, that fried chicken and salad are probably full of bacteria. They’ll be the first of many items you are lugging home that will be tossed into the garbage this week. On the way home, run through the drive-through for dinner. (Who has time to cook tonight?) In a few weeks, you’ll get your credit card bill. Be sure to make only the minimum payment. Twenty years form now, you’ll have finally paid for those groceries you bought today!
